| Who\'s on first?
From a distance, the goings on between the Race Committee and the DD racers is like something from a comedy/farce. This scenario reminds me of one of the funniest sketches ever performed by Abbott and Costello. If you’ve never heard it, search for it on the web or Limewire.com and you’ll get a better understanding of my plagiarism of that famous meeting. So, picture the scene, it’s race day and the first meeting between the 2006 DD Race Committee and the newly appointed Riders Rep.
RC = Race Committee
RR = Riders Rep
RC – hey, how do you like the DD racing then?
RR – ah, great, all those people going to be on the grid today?
RC – why certainly
RR – oh, should be a whopper of a race. I understand they’ve made you Race Committee for this here DD racing
RC – why not
RR – so you’re the Race Committee?
RC – sure, I’m the Race Committee
RR – well if you’re the Race Committee, maybe you could help me with a couple of things
RC – sure I can, what do you want to know?
RR – well as Race Committee, you must know all the riders names.
RC – sure I do
RR – well it’ll be great to know all the people on the grid and their positions so I know the ones I’ll be racing with. So can you tell me all their names?
RC – oh sure I can, I'll tell you their names, but you know they give these racers now-a-days very peculiar names.
RR – yeh they give these racers really strange names
RC – they sure do…..like Rattler, Skidlids and Domski
RR – and not forgetting Bogey8
RC – eh? So you wanna know the guys lining up on the grid, well remember they give them funny names, now let's see, we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
RR – you on the Race Committee?
RC – yes
RR – you know the guys names?
RC – I sure do
RR – well tell me their names
RC – that’s what I’m telling you, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
RR - you on the Race Committee?
RC - yes.
RR - you gonna be at all the meetings?
RC - yes.
RR - and you don't know the riders' names?
RC - well I should do.
RR - well then who's on first?
RC - yes.
RR – well go ahead and tell me
RC - Who
RR - the riders name.
RC - Who.
RR - The rider on first.
RC - Who.
RR - the first rider.
RC - Who.
RR - the guy riding...
RC - Who is on first!
RR - I'm asking you who's on first.
RC - that's the man's name.
RR - that's who's name?
RC - yes.
RR - well go ahead and tell me.
RC - that's it. Who is on first?
RR – what are you asking me for, I’m asking you who’s on first
RC – and I’m telling you.
RR – well go ahead an tell me
RC – Who
RR – the guy on first
RC - Who is on first place
RR – what are you asking me for!!!!!
RC – I’m not asking you, I’m telling you
RR – so tell me, what’s the guys name on first place
RC – No. What’s the guys name on second place
RR – I’m not asking you who’s on second
RC – Who’s on first
RR – I don’t know
RC – he’s on third, now don’t change them around
RR – I’m not changing anyone around, all I’m trying to find out is the guys names on the grid. Look, you got a first racer?
RC - certainly.
RR – so tell me the guy who’s the first racer
RC - Who
RR – the guy racing first
RC – that’s his name.
RR – what’s the guys name racing first?
RC – what is the guys name racing second
RR – I don’t know
RC – he’s on third, what’s the matter with you
RR – look, when you give out the first trophy after every race, somebody has to win it, so who gets the cup?
RC – sure he does, every time.
RR – yes, you’ve got to give the trophy to someone so all I'm trying to find out is the racers name on first place.
RC – I’m telling you Who.
RR - the guy that gets the trophy?
RC - Who.
RR – the guy that gets the trophy?
RC – Who does every time. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
RR - Who's wife?
RC – Yeh sure, nothing wrong with that
RR – look, when the rider that is on first place signs on, how does he sign his name?
RC - Who.
RR - the rider that signs on in first place.
RC - Who.
RR – the first rider
RC - Who
RR – look, when the guy signs his name, how does the riders name look to you
RC – Who
RR – Who?
RC - that's how he signs his name.
RR - Who?
RC – Yes Who
RR - all I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on first place.
RC - What is on second place
RR - I'm not asking you who's on second.
RC - Who's on first
RR – I don’t know
RC – he’s on third
RR - all I’m asking you is to tell me the guys names!
RC – Well I’m telling you their names, don't keep changing the riders around.
RR - I'm not changing anybody!
RC - take it easy, I’m only a volunteer.
RR – sure you are but all I'm only asking you is who signs his name for the first trophy?
RC - Who signs for the trophy
RR – WHAT ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR!!!
RC – I’m not asking you, I’m telling you
RR – well go ahead and tell me, what's the guy's name on the first place trophy?
RC – No wait a minute, What signs for his own trophy for second
RR - I'm not asking you who's on second.
RC - Who's on first.
RR - I don't know.
RC - he's on third, but we're not talking about him.
RR – I’m not asking you the guy on third place?
RC - you said his name.
RR – ok, so if I said the third riders name, who is riding third?
RC - Who's riding first
RR - I don't know.
RC - he's on third.
RR - there you go back on third again, I don’t think you know what you’re talking about
RC – I’m only trying to tell you their names
RR – ok, so tell me who's racing in third place?
RC – why do you insist on putting Who in third place?
RR - I don't know.
RC – he’s on third
RR – ah look, let’s start again. You got a B race full of novices?
RC – sure we do.
RR – so tell me the first novice’s name?
RC - Why.
RR - I just thought I'd ask you.
RC - well, I just thought I'd tell you.
RR - then tell me who's the first novice.
RC – oh come on…..Who is on first!!!!
RR - All I want to know is…. what's the guy's name at first novice?
RC - What is on second.
RR - I'm not asking you who's on second.
RC - Who's on first!
RR - I don't know.
Together: Third place!!!!!
RR - ah this is getting us nowhere. Look, let’s try someone else. You got a mechanic in the paddock?
RC - sure.
RR - so the mechanics name?
RC - Tomorrow.
RR - you don't want to tell me today?
RC - I'm telling you now.
RR - then go ahead.
RC - Tomorrow!
RR - what time?
RC - what time what?
RR - what time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's the mechanic?
RC - now listen to me. Who is not the mechanic.
RR - I'll break you're arm if you say who's on first!!! All I want to know what's the mechanics name?
RC - What's on second.
RR - I don't know.
Together: Third place!!!
RR – ok, let’s start again, you got a sponsor?
RC - certainly.
RR - the sponsors name?
RC - Today.
RR - Today……..and Tomorrow's the mechanic.
RC - now you've got it.
RR – Ah great, all we’ve got is a couple of days in the paddock.
RC – well I can’t help the funny names they give each other
RR - Well you know I'm a racer too.
RC - so they tell me.
RR – so I get on the grid to do some racing and some non-member appears. Now when he starts winning races, I want a member to win, so I’m going to look to my DSC mates to win the race, so I'm going to look to the guy on first. So when he wins, I pick up the trophy and give it to who?
RC - now that's the first thing you've said right.
RR - I don't even know what I'm talking about!
RC - that's all you have to do.
RR – look, I want the guy on first to beat him, so I pick up the trophy and give it to who?
RC – now you’ve got it
RR - now who's got it?
RC - Naturally.
RR - look, if I give the trophy to first place, somebody's got to get it. Now who has it?
RC - Naturally.
RR - Who?
RC - Naturally.
RR - Naturally?
RC - Naturally.
RR - so I give the trophy to Naturally.
RC - no you don't, you give the trophy to Who.
RR - Naturally
RC - that's right.
RR - that's what I said.
RC – no you didn’t, you're not saying it right...
RR - I give the trophy to Naturally.
RC – no you give it to Who.
RR - Naturally.
RC - that's it.
RR - that's what I said!
RC – no it’s not, you ask me.
RR - I give the trophy to who?
RC - Naturally.
RR - now you ask me.
RC - I give the trophy to Who
RR - Naturally.
RC - that's it.
RR - same as you! Same as YOU!!! Somebody wins the race and I give the trophy to who? Why? I don’t know, he’s on third and I don’t give a darn!
RC - what?
RR - I said I don't give a darn!
RC - oh, she’s our pit bitch.
RR – huh?!?!?  |
06-Apr-2006, 17:54 
Monty
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