Inner Peace

[Henners]

I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for
me...and at this time of year we all could use a little calm .

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have
finally found inner peace.

The article read:
"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've
started."

So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and
hadn't finished....and before coming to work this morning I finished
off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, the Bailey's, Kahlua and
Wild Turkey, my Prozac, some valium, my cigarettes and a box of
chocolates.

You have no idea how freakin good I feel....

You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace...

[kwikbitch]

Mmm! I never leave a bottle half empty!
Perhaps that's why I OOZE inner peace...:P

[Red-leader]

You didnt mention the Half finished Yamaha !

[DJ Tera]

Originally posted by kwikbitch
Mmm! I never leave a bottle half empty!
Perhaps that's why I OOZE inner peace...:P

you mean BOOZE inner peace? :D

[Henners]

You didnt mention the Half finished Yamaha !


Cheers Kev - that made me sober up :lol:

[Fordie]

I commend your philosophy H, but finishing of the Wild Turkey takes the biscuit, its not so much the turkey ,its catching the bugger:lol::lol: Especially at our age:lol: 4D

[Edited on 10-3-2004 by Fordie]

[everton]

But your kind of inner peace brings all
sorts of associated problems...............

.............witness the 5 stages of drunkenness............... :lol::frog::lol::frog::lol:

THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS

Stage 1 - CLEVER
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known
universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to
anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And, of course, the
person you are talking to is very wrong. This makes for an interesting
argument when both parties are CLEVER.

Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVE
This is when you realise that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the
entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect stranger
knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you
are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person About any subject under the

sun.

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy

drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also

make bets at this stage because of course yo u are still CLEVER so, naturally,
you will always win.
Anyway, it doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will
also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, in the knowledge that you are
clearly the most ATTRACTIVE person present.

Stage 4 - INVINCIBLE
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those
with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because you are now
INVINCIBLE. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you
fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or strength. You have
No fear of losing this battle, because as well as being INVINCIBLE you are
CLEVER, you're RICH and you're more ATTRACTIVE than them anyway.

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything,
because you are now INVISIBLE. You can dance on a table to impress the people
who you fancy because the r est of the
people in the room cannot see you. You can also snog the face off them for
the same reason. You are also INVISIBLE to the people who want to fight you.

You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no
one can see or hear you, and because you're still CLEVER you know all the
words.

THE FIVE STAGES OF SOBERING UP

Stage 1 - STUPID
Headache, the churning stomach and the cold sweats, you realise that you have
lost not only several hours of your life but also the ability to concentrate

on anything whatsoever. You are now STUPID and will remain so for a minimum of
12 hours.

Stage 2 - UGLY
Never entirely happy with the effects of the bathroom mirror first thing, you
are horrified to discover that you have now become even UGLIER than you
previously thought possible. Not only do you have bloodshot eyes and a glorious
collection of Spots, but you are shaking so much that your grandfather probably
looks healthier. Unfortunately you are still too STUPID to know better than to
try and shave whilst shaking.

Stage 3 - POOR
Having crawled out of bed and got dressed you are about to shamble out the
door when you discover that the money that was lent to last you the week is now
missing from your wallet. Being ST UPID, you have no idea what happened to it
but the traces of curry on your clothes allow the possibility that you might

have treated everyone to a takeaway at some point.
Alternatively, your pocket could have been picked or you might have given the
taxi driver a fifty dollar note by mistake. Rationalising that you couldn't
possibly have been that STUPID and that you would remember being robbed, you

come to believe that you were the only one who bought any food or drinks all

night and start to loathe all your friends.

Stage 4 - FRAGILE
As you are now STUPID, UGLY and POOR, your consequently FRAGILE self-esteem
plummets. Your already FRAGILE physical condition ensures that you feel liable
to shatter if anyone even speaks to you.

Stage 5 - CONSPICUOUS
This is the final stage of sobering up.
Unfortunately, everyone can spot this CONSPICUOUS condition and its cause
from a great distance.
Even worse, they know that they can complete your Misery by making fun of
you, and that you are too STUPID to retaliate, too FRAGILE to hit them, too POOR
to bribe them and too UGLY to hide!

[HellsBells]

pheew.... Anyone fancy a drink ??

think I'll have a huuuuuuuge Baileys..

;)

[paulmort]

2 bokkles of sauvignon blanc for me please
Just to keep the Inner Peace along wiff Outer Self
Im trying to work out where I fit in the 5 stages, rhetorical question peeps, no replies needed, and that applies to KB as well, 'bout the replies that is.
Well, that should get this thread really rolling then
Doh, I'll get me coat
a slightly sober, or should that be, a slightly pi55ed mort:roll::roll: