[Harv748]

>My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*ckin' red mark on His forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond !!!!



>The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed, When his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache". "Perfect," her Husband said. " I was just in the bathroom powdering my d*ck with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!
>


>A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."



>Secrets to a Happy Marriage

>1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
>
>2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
>
>3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have s*x.
>
>MOST important....
>
>4. These three women must NEVER meet
>



>Most married couples mainly argue about two things, s*x and money. So
>
>agree the price before you start.



>A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the Police.The police officer approaches him and asks:"Have you been drinking Sir?" Why?" asks the man, "Was I driving badly?" No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly Fat bird in the passenger seat that made me
>suspicious"
>



>Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge."What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why...that's my Speaking Clock", the man replied. "How does it work?", asked the guest. "I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering
blow with an unpadded hammer. Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For f**ks sake, it's twenty to two in the f*c*ing morning!