[mogwai]

How to shower like a woman
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> Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to
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> whites and coloureds. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If
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> you see boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at
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> your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
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> sit-ups. Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long
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> loofah, wide loofah and pumicestone. Wash hair once with cucumber and
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> sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it is
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> clean. Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with
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> natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with
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> crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest
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> of body with ginger-nut and jaffa cake body wash. Shave armpits and
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> legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray
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> mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a
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> small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom
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> wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see boyfriend
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> along the way, cover any exposed areas.
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> How to shower like a man
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> Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed leave in a pile.
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> Walk naked to the bathroom if you see girlfriend along the way - shake
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> knob at her making woo-hoo sound. Look at manly physique in the mirror,
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> admire size of knob and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your
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> face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water
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> rinse it off. Make fart noises (real or artifical) and laugh at how
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> loud they sound in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates
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> and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving four pubes stuck on the
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> soap. Shampoo hair. Make shampoo mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of
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> the shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on the floor.
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> Admire knob size in mirror again. Leave shower door open, leave wet mat
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> on the floor, leave light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel
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> around waist. If you pass girlfriend, pull off towel, shake knob at her
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> and make woo-hoo noise Again. Throw wet towel on bed.
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