and not just for you Ian.....
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.
He said - "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
She said - "Well, you've succeeded".
He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?' She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart'.
He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?'
She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat slob'.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends
C:P