[mogwai]

> An extract from the latest hooligan book to hit the shelves.
>
>
> Whilst most supporters know about the hooligan violence that blighted
> football in the 70's and 80's, few people will be aware of the clashes
> that
> took place between rival children's TV gangs.
>
> This week sees the publication of "Congratulations. You've just met the
> RJF", the long awaited biography from children's TV favourites, Rod, Jane
> and Freddy.
>
> This explosive book brings readers face to face with the relentless
> violence
> of 80's kiddies TV.
> Sports Offensive reprints these exclusive extracts.
> Beginnings
> Rod: In 1979 there were a lot of really useful firms operating out of ITV
> and "The Rainbow Boys" were one of the best in the business. The problem
> was, because we were new, we were always on the outside looking in. It was
> time to make a bit of a noise and show them we could handle ourselves.
>
> Freddy: We decided we were going to take Play School in their home pub,
> Chatters wine bar in Hampstead. On the face of it, it was a f*cking
> ridiculous thing to do. They were pretty handy and had a bit of a
> reputation, but that didn't mean nothing to us. We were ready to make our
> mark and didn't care how we did it.
>
> Jane: We got there early and just kept a low profile. Pretty soon the
> whole
> place was filling up. There were quite a few faces in there: Fred Harris,
> Derek Griffiths, Big Ted. I can't say it bothered me. All I was thinking
> was, "You're going to get it, you numpties!"
>
> Rod: I think it was Johnny Ball who clocked us. I can remember him saying
> something like "I can think of a number: the three w*nkers stood over
> there"
> and it all kicked off. Even though they hit us with everything they had,
> we
> took it. All I can remember is Freddy screaming, "Hold the line, just hold
> the f*cking line" and we did.
>
> Jane: I didn't think they could believe that three of us had taken about
> forty of them at their place. They just melted away, flicking the V's at
> us
> and looking like a total set of pussies. I saw Hamble with blood ****ing
> from an open head wound. To be honest I was too wound up to care.
>
> Rod: We walked away from there with our heads held high. The Rainbow Boys
> would have to take notice now. Rod, Jane and Freddy had well and truly
> arrived.
>
> The Battle of Blue Peter
> Rod: There's been a whole heap of bullsh*t spoken about who vandalised the
> Blue Peter Garden. The truth is that place got torn up in one of the
> maddest, bloodiest children's television rucks I can ever remember.
>
> Jane: Blue Peter were always giving it some about how they were the best
> in
> the business. We were happy to let them think that. Our feeling was they'd
> got sloppy and hadn't fought anyone decent for about five years. Their
> shows
> always went out live, so the plan was to wait until the end of the live
> broadcast and pile in. The trouble was it didn't work out like that.
>
> Freddy: We'd gone over the wall and started heading towards them. It was
> Simon Groom and Janet Ellis and we could tell we'd taken them by surprise.
> Rod wades in and bang, bang, bang they both go down like a sack of sh*t.
> It
> was all a bit too easy and we couldn't work out why the camera crew were
> holding back. Then we realised, they'd been having some sort of past
> presenter's reunion. They all came pouring out of the studios: Noakes,
> Purves, Singleton; all ready to kick seven shades of sh*t out of us.
>
> Jane: As far as we were concerned there was only one thing to do. Stand
> our
> ground. Other firms would have run but we just thought, f*ck it, this far
> and no further. It wasn't easy mind. They were tooled up with bottle tops
> from a bring and buy sale. Peter Duncan was just wading into us with a
> bicycle chain shouting, "Take that you c*nts!" I honestly didn't think
> we'd
> last much longer.
>
> Rod: Then we heard it. The best sound in the world, "Up above the streets
> and houses, Rainbow climbing high!" It was The Rainbow Boys battle cry.
> the
> cavalry was coming. Zippy dropped the nut on Biddy Baxter and suddenly
> things were a bit more even. I swear on my mother's grave if security
> hadn't
> stepped in we'd have murdered the b*stards.
>
> Freddy: The garden was totally f*cked. They covered it up and said it was
> the work of vandals. No it wasn't, it was the scene of our finest hour.
>
> Congratulations.You've Just Met The RJF is published by Hodder and
> Staunton
> and retails at £7.99