One evening last week my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and all of a sudden she says
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me"
I said
"WHAT???!!!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear
"You're not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man"
She responded to my puzzled look by saying
"Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I dropped off to sleep.
The very next day I decided that I better take the day off work to spend some quality time with her. We went out for a nice lunch and then went to shop at Harrods. I walked around with her while she tried on several different and very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her that we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck! I started to think that she was testing me because she suddenly asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think then that I completely threw her when I said
"That's fine darling".
She was almost reaching sexual satisfaction there and then from all the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said,
"I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,
"No my darling, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"
I then said,
"Really honey! I just want you to HOLD the stuff for awhile. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman"
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added. "Why can't you love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Had a wonderful day in church today. I had a smile on my face as I walked up the aisle. The vicar gave a wonderful speech. Then I kissed my wife and shut the coffin lid.
:
antonye
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