Doctor: "I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is you have aids"
Man "Whats the good news"
Doctor: "My new secretary with the big boobs has agreed to go on a date with me tonight"
**********************************************

Doctor: "The bad news is your wife has herpes"
Man: "Whats the good news"
Doctor: "She didn't catch it from you"
***********************************************

Man goes into a pub with a newt sitting on his shoulder.

Says to the barman "I pint for me and a half for Tiny"

This goes on all night, pint for the man and a half for the newt.

At the end of the evening, the barman says to the customer "You've been here all night, ordering pints for yourself and half pints for Tiny. I've got just one question. Why do you call him Tiny.

The man replies "Because he's my newt".

(might need to say the punchline out loud)

Moley

:rodent: