Control Tower Conversations
 

Found on another site that shall remain nameless...



Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
************************************************** ******
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
************************************************** ******
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long take-off queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
************************************************** ******
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
************************************************** ******
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
************************************************** ******
A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
************************************************** *******
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
************************************************** ******
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for take-off, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for take-off behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for take-off, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
__________________

Excelent!:lol:

In his book, "Sled Driver", SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:
"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed."

"90 knots" Center replied.

Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same.

"120 knots," Center answered.

We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, 'Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout.'

There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty."

Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?"

There was a longer than normal pause .... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots".

No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft).

The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?"

The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up it, we plan to go down to it."

He was cleared.

pic 1

Maybe not work safe for some people! This was supposedly found in the seat pocket of a Quanta 747 after landing.

This almost never happens!

Be careful if you park your plane at Liverpool airport!!

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?"
"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."


One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and I’ll have enough parts for another one."

The Arizona (USA) Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smouldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the crest of a curve. Wreckage resembled that at an aeroplane crash, but it was a car make and model unidentifiable at the scene.

A lab figured out the story. It seems the driver had somehow got hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take actually a solid fuel rocket) that’s used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' taking off from short airfields

He drove his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the jet device. The cops calculate that the driver of the car hit JATO ignition at a distance of about 3 miles from the crash site. Asphalt was scorched and melted there.

The unit reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continued at full power for an additional 20 25 seconds. The driver, soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced G forces usually reserved for dog fighting F 14 jocks under full afterburners, basically causing him to become insignificant for the rest of the event.

He remained on the highway for about 2.5 miles (15 20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the fires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. He then became airborne for an additional 1.4 miles, impacting the cliff face at a height of 40m and leaving a black crater 1m deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Rockhopper
obviously a really busy day for you
Go and do sumfink productive, like wash a bike !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:frog::frog:
mort

ps Im real busy as well...............:sing::sing:

nice 1 rockhopper. good read. !

/ian

Gonna have to dig out some of my flying stories......

very good by the way. That Sled Driver is a heck of a book

HAve you got it John? Any chance of a lend of it?

Yeah, I've got it. Stoopid question! Course you can borrow it. Got a new one coming on the Blackbird soon, that looks even better!



[Edited on 16-1-2005 by yeti]

Helicopters can't fly they're just so ugly the Earth repels them'

Harriers can't fly. They just shout at the Earth until it goes away

Helicopters can't fly - they beat the air into submission

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life
would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the
honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card
said nothing but: "Nescafe"! Mum was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop. Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size" She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mum waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole
month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky hand writing were
the words "British Airways" Mum took out her latest Harper's Bazaar
magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mum fainted...:sing:

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

:o

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: