A Friday smile
 

A goat walks into a job centre and ask's in perfect english for a job. The slightly amazed clerk has a look through his files and say's he could try the circus. ' The circus ?' say's the goat. Why would the circus want a brick layer ??? :lol::lol:

Well it made me smile.....:frog:

barr

Shakespeare walks into a pub.

The barman says, sorry mate can't serve you....you're bard.

yeh, let's go with the old gags then....

horse walks into the bar and the barman says, 'why the long face?'

WeeJohnyB

if we must................


bear walks into a pub:

say to the barman "can i have a larger............................................ .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..............................................and a packet of crisps please"



barman say "why the big pause?"

or this:

A teacher asks her class, " If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot. "
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU.

There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice
cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which
one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

or,

two blonds walk into a bar....you'd think one of 'em would have seen it!

Suspend your disbelief for this one....

There's this pub where all the customers are little squares of black tarmac. They're all standing around having a nice drink and a chat when a red piece of tarmac walks in. The bar suddenly empties, the little black squares of tarmac either scurry out of the room or dive for cover and the barman is left trembling nervously behind the bar. The red piece of tarmac orders a whisky, down's it in one, slams the glass down and walks out of the pub.

"Thank God he's gone" says one piece of black tarmac to the other as they come out from behind the curtains. "Why's that" says the other "Why is everybody so scared of him?"...

"'cos he's a bloody cyclepath"

Were we to suspend disbelief for the belief that tarmac can talk, or the fact that you posted the joke in the first place?

Thanks guys - just cheered me up :lol::lol:

Doctor: "I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is you have aids"
Man "Whats the good news"
Doctor: "My new secretary with the big boobs has agreed to go on a date with me tonight"
**********************************************

Doctor: "The bad news is your wife has herpes"
Man: "Whats the good news"
Doctor: "She didn't catch it from you"
***********************************************

Man goes into a pub with a newt sitting on his shoulder.

Says to the barman "I pint for me and a half for Tiny"

This goes on all night, pint for the man and a half for the newt.

At the end of the evening, the barman says to the customer "You've been here all night, ordering pints for yourself and half pints for Tiny. I've got just one question. Why do you call him Tiny.

The man replies "Because he's my newt".

(might need to say the punchline out loud)

Moley

:rodent: