Friday Funny.......
 

Possibly the funniest story in a while. This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.

This is a true story, Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure...



Dear Sir: I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor

planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed

my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the

bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope

at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to

ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 175 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say,

I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at

an equally, impressive speed.

This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed

only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal

of pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight

of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side

of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several

lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks

and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move,

I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me.

This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry.

stolen from SWB site.:D

its funny but im sure someone else posted last week or maybe the week before. so as my friday now depends on a friday funny have you gont another - pleeeease

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, I phoned her up to
arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest
to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night
before and shoot the fox.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a
fast one".

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?".
I said "I've been on telly, but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He
said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: Trying to squeeze
myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic
converter.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller",
he said "Not you again".

He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a
condiment".

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's
bisatchel.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I
said, "Are you two an item?".

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I
thought "That's a turtle disaster".

Four fonts walk into a bar . The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want
your type in here"

A priest,a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar The barman says, "Is this some
kind of joke?"

Man goes to a doctor and says, 'Doctor Doctor! I've got a golf ball stuck up my arse.'

Doctor takes a look and says, 'Thats a fairway up.'



Man goes to a doctor and says, 'Doctor Doctor! I've got a strawberry stuck up my arse.'

Doctor takes a look and says, 'I've got some cream for that.'

The professor is good on theory, but short on practice. He set an exam question "Given a barometer, determine the height of City University's clock tower". He expects us to know that atmospheric pressure drops about 1 millbar every 26 feet of altitude at sea level. Thus a measured difference of 3 mb would show the tower to be 78 feet high. In practice, you can't read a barometer to better than ½ mb accuracy, implying +/- 13 feet on the measurement, or +/- 17%. We decided to show him some more accurate alternatives and criticise his theory-heaviness simultaneously ;-)
• Tie the barometer to a piece of string, swing it as a pendulum, and calculate the value of g at the street level and at the top of the clock tower. From the difference between the two values of g deduce the height of the clock tower (in theory). Accuracy +/- 10,000 % ?
• Take the barometer to the top of the clock tower. Drop the barometer, timing its fall with a stopwatch. Then using the formula H = ½gt2 calculate the height H of the clock tower. Accuracy +/- ¼ sec on the stopwatch, so +/- 11% or 8 feet.
• On a sunny day measure the height of the barometer, the length of its shadow, and the length of the shadow of the clock tower. Now, by geometry, determine the height of the clock tower. Accuracy probably +/- 2% = 1 ½ feet.
• Walk up the clock tower stairs, marking off the length of the barometer up the stairwell. Count the marks, giving the height of the clock tower in barometer units. Finally, multiply by the size of the barometer. Accuracy +/- 2 inches.
• Take the barometer to the top of the clock tower, attach a long rope to it (the barometer!), lower the barometer to the pavement, now reel it in, measuring the length of the rope, which gives the height of the clock tower directly. Accuracy +/- 1 inch.
• Bribe the university janitor by giving him the new, unused, barometer if he tells you the height of the clock tower by looking it up on the building's plans. Accuracy? Perfect!

Very good chaps. Thank you :lol: