Ducati Sporting Club UK
Idle Chat
Still needs to be clean and of value to the club.
 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-Jun-2005, 10:29
everton
 
Posts: n/a
Letter from the Inland Revenue

Just got this letter from the Inland Revenue

Dear Sir,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to
our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I
will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your
description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more
properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland
Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such
documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent
whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the
doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other
letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from
"pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and ****ant gas-mongerers"
might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case
of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own
organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as
a "lackwit bumpkin² or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they
see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute
to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth
in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the
canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's
rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the
government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party"
yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the
funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off
the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish
lickspittles" and "dancing *****s" whilst far more than you have accounted
for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking façade of a university
system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with
the vagaries of the postal system;

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing
else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the
Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics
involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish
to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that
even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live
in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please forward it by Friday.

Yours Sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations
Quote+Reply
  #2  
Old 07-Jun-2005, 11:03
keefer's Avatar
keefer keefer is offline
Registered Forum User
Ducati Meccanica
 
Posts: 2,518
Join Date: Jul 2004
Mood: Found a CR250. Let the bone braking begin
nice
Quote+Reply
  #3  
Old 07-Jun-2005, 12:52
Redruth's Avatar
Redruth Redruth is offline
Registered Forum User
Ducati Meccanica
 
Posts: 2,885
Join Date: Jul 2004
Mood: Fabulous


I had no idea people at the Inland Revenue were so eloquent! :P
Quote+Reply
  #4  
Old 07-Jun-2005, 13:02
TP's Avatar
TP TP is offline
Registered Forum User
MotoGP God
 
Posts: 15,644
Join Date: Apr 2004
Mood: 749 racebike MGP
The letters I have are worded slightly different.

Quote+Reply
  #5  
Old 07-Jun-2005, 13:10
Ozz's Avatar
Ozz Ozz is offline
Registered Forum User
Cucciolo
Ducati in my Blood
Bikes: 848 Evo Corse
 
Posts: 4,941
Join Date: Sep 2003
Mood: Waiting for the revolution!
Quite a standard letter in my experience!
Quote+Reply
  
Thread Tools
Display Modes
Postbit Selector
Switch to Vertical postbit Use Vertical Postbit

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Recent Posts - Contact Us - DSC Home - Archive - Top
Powered by vBulletin 3.5.4 - Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd. - © Ducati Sporting Club UK - All times are GMT +1. The time now is 21:44.