Ducati Sporting Club UK > General > Idle Chat > Friday (quite) funny!

[Harv748]

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.

A week passes and he received another parcel and note: Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.

The man is really furious now, because the company has gone from emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really rude letter of complaint.

A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and Go as a f***ing toffee apple.

[dave996]

[Herb]

A wife came home early to find her husband making love to a beautiful,sexy young woman.

"You unfaithful, disrespectful jerk! What are you doing? How dare you do
this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this
house and I want a divorce!"

The husband, replied, "Wait! Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least
listen to what happened."

She said. "It'll be the last thing I will hear from you so make it fast,
you cheating creep."

He said: "While driving home this young lady asked for a ride.I saw her
so defenceless that I went ahead and allowed her into my car.

I noticed she was very thin, not well dressed and dirty. She mentioned
she had not eaten for three days. Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain more weight.

When I served them to her the poor young thing, practically inhaled
them. Since she was dirty I asked her if she'd like to bathe.

While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were worn-out and full of
holes so I threw them away.

Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you no
longer wear because they're too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse
that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you
won't wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you
bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair.


After she dressed, I walked the young woman to the door where she turned around and with tears of gratitude streaming down her cheeks, she asked me,

'Thank you Sir, do you have anything else your wife doesn't use?'"