Wise (ish) words.......
Hinge or Teapot
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> Harlow was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he
> sent
> his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a
> beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the
> manager,
> to finish waiting on a customer.
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> When Carl was finished, Mary asked "How much for the teapot?" Carl
> replied,
> "That's silver and it costs $100!"
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> "My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary exclaimed. Then she
> proceeded to describe the hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy, and Carl
> went to the back room to find it.
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>>From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"'
> Mary replied,
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> "No, but I will for the teapot."
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> This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store.
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Non-living things have a gender
1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and is often over-inflated.
4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!
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Favorite Answers From "Hollywood Squares"
-According to Movie Life Magazine, Ann Margaret would like to start having babies, soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: He's out of town.
-What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren't?
PAUL LYNDE: They give milk...and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies.
-Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
PAUL LYNDE: Who told you about my elephant?
-When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
CHARLEY WEAVER: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
-Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet.
-Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What?
PAUL LYNNE: An engagement ring.
-According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Not drinking.
-True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward
them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.
CHARLEY WEAVER: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests.
-You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: It was a long plane ride.
-If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
-Do female frogs croak?
PAUL LYNDE: If you hold their little heads under water.
-You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
DON KNOTTS: That's what's been keeping me awake.
-True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.
PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos.
-According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?
PAUL LYNDE: Where can I get some?
-Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
JOAN RIVERS: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
-Question: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
PAUL LYNDE: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.
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