| Wednesday Joke X 2!
Joke No.1
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be eight again" she replied.
On the morning of her birthday he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops and then took her to the local theme park.
What a Day!He put her on every ride in the park:
*The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milk shake .
Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog,popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms.What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted . He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked "Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly
changed .
"I meant my dress size, you f***w*t"
The moral of this story: Even when a man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.
Joke No.2
Joe goes to the doctor and says to him...
"Doc, my arm is killing me but I don't know what I did to it." The doctor jumps up from his chair and hands Joe a specimen cup.
"Pee in this cup" The doctor says
Joe pees in the cup and gives it to the doctor.
"We get to try out my new machine." Says the doc.
He then takes Joe's pee and dumps it into the big machine in the corner of the office. The machine makes a few noises and after about 3 seconds,it spits out a piece of paper. The doctor picks up the paper and reads it...
"You have tennis elbow."
"How can that hunk of junk tell I have tennis elbow just from a cup of my pee?" Joe asks.
"This "hunk of junk" is a state of the art machine and can tell what is wrong with a person from a stubbed toe to terminal cancer." The doc replied.
"Come back in 2 weeks with another specimen and we will see how you are doing."
2 weeks go by and Joe has decided he wants to mess with the doctor. He gets his wife to pee in the cup, he gets his daughter to pee in the cup, he puts some oil from his car in the cup, he even jerks off in the cup. He takes this lovely mixture to the doctor with him to the doctor. When he walks into the office, the doctor is reading the paper.
"Did you bring your sample Joe?"
"Yep, I sure did Doc." Joe replies.
"Go ahead and dump it in then."
Joe dumps the sample into the machine and immediately the machine starts jerking and coughing. After about 2 minutes, the machine spits out a long piece of paper which the doctor quickly picks up and reads to himself.
"Uhuh...mmhum...I see..."
"So Doc, what does your state of the art machine say now?" Joe snickered.
"Well," replied the doctor "It says here your daughter's pregnant,your wife's cheating on you, your car needs a new transmission and if you'd quit jerking off so much you'd probably get rid of that tennis elbow."  | 
24-May-2006, 14:17 
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