| Aircraft Humour
>
> Subject: Aircraft Humor
>
>
>
> After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
>
> conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
> the flight
>
> that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the
> problem, and
>
> then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial
> action
>
> was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next
> flight.
>
>
>
> Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
> humor!
>
> Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
> submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers (By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had
an accident.
>
>
>
> (P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
>
> (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
>
>
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
>
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
>
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
>
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud. (Distance Measuring equipment)
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're there for.
>
>
>
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
>
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> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
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>
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>
>
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
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>
>
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
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>
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.
>  | 
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