Ducati Sporting Club UK > General > Idle Chat > Don't lie on a customs form...

[FiscusFish]

Got this apparently true story off a Ducati mailing list... It's a bit long but worth it for the wonders of bureaucracy..





"Recently I mailed a can of DuPonte Teflon Multipurpose Lubricant to Barry Blackman in Australia. He had been following the thread about it in the product reviews section and wanted to try some but it is not available yet down under. I told him that there was a story behind it but that it was too long to get into and I would tell him the story when I had time to type it up. Well the conversation I had with the postal worker was typical bureaucratic nonsense and I thought that some of you might find it amusing too. So Barry (and anyone else who is interested), here it is.....

When mailing outside of the U.S. there is a customs form which need to be filled out. On the form you must state specifically what the package contents are. Being lazy and not wanting to write 1 can of DuPonte Teflon Multipurpose Lubricant on the form, I just wrote 1 can of WD-40, figuring that's close enough and they will know what WD-40 is. What follows is a recap of the conversation that I had with the postal worker after I handed the package to him for mailing.

The first thing that he did was to weigh the package and enter the address into the computer to give me pricing options for shipping. While doing so there was a rattling sound that came from within the package.

Postal Worker: What's that sound?
Me: There is a marble inside the can to help mix it up when you shake it.
Postal Worker: It says on the customs form that it contains a can of WD-40.
Me: Yes
Postal Worker: WD-40 doesn't have a marble in the can. Why are you mailing a can of WD-40 to Australia?
Me: Why does it matter?
Postal Worker: Well this package sounds suspicious so I need to know.
Me: I am sending it to a friend because he can't get it where he lives.
Postal Worker: I find it hard to believe that you can't buy WD-40 in Australia.
Me: Well actually it's not WD-40 it's DuPonte Teflon Multipurpose Lubricant. It's kind of new and they are not marketing it in Australia yet.
Postal Worker: So why did you write WD-40 on the customs form?
Me: Because I am lazy and didn't want to write DuPonte Teflon Multipurpose Lubricant in that tiny little box on the form and figured that WD-40 was close enough that customs would know what it was.
Postal Worker: Well it says on the form that you must write the exact contents, not something that is "close enough."
Me: Ok I'll fill out a new form.
Postal Worker: You can't
Me: Why not?
Postal Worker: Because you have already given me the package and once it is received by a postal worker we can only deliver it to the intended recipient, we can't give it back to you.
Me: So what happens if the package is undeliverable?
Postal Worker: Well in that case we would deliver it to the return address on the package.
Me: Well the return address on the package is my address, so why can't you just give it to me?
Postal Worker: Because we have not yet determined the package undeliverable.
Me: OK so what needs to be done at this point to mail the package?
Postal Worker: Well since the package sounds suspicious it will have to be inspected.
Me: Fine, open it up.
Postal Worker: I can't, only a customs inspection agent can do that. So I will have to send it to customs to have it inspected before it gets mailed.
Me: well if you give it to me, I can open it up and show you what's inside and then tape it back up.
Postal Worker: Well we've already established the fact that I can't give it back to you.
Me: Fine do whatever needs to be done. I don't understand what the big deal is.
Postal Worker: Well sir since 911 we have some stricter guidelines that we must conform to because of the threat of terrorism.
Me: The threat of terrorism? It's not like I am sending this to the White House or the Pentagon. If I were going to send a mail bomb or something like that, why would I be sending it to some guy in Western Australia?
Postal Worker: I'm just doing my job.
Me: Yes, I understand that but wouldn't it be a lot easier if I just filled out a new form?
Postal Worker: I can't do that. I will have to send this package to customs and have it inspected, and you have already admitted to lying on the form and I must inform you that is a federal offence.
Me: So arrest me then, I understand that being a postal worker is a thankless job but do you really have to be an ******* every minute of your life?
Postal Worker: Threatening a civil servant is a federal offence.
Me: I didn't threaten you; I just called you an *******. Is there a law against that?
Postal Worker: No but it's totally un-called for and I am not the one who started this by falsifying a customs document.
Me: Sorry but this is just starting to irritate me. All I want to do is mail this package. So just tell me what I need to do to get that done. If you have to send the package to customs for inspection or whatever then fine, do it. All I need to know is if there is anything else that I need to do.
Postal Worker: Well at this point all you have to do is pay the postage.
Me: OK fine but what happens if I refuse to pay the postage.
Postal Worker: Well then I would have to refuse to accept the package and give it back to you.
Me: Well just a minute ago you said that you couldn't give the package back to me.
Postal Worker: Well once the postage is paid and the package is accepted I can't give it back to you but you have not paid the postage so the package has not been officially accepted.
Me: So then what you told me a minute ago about not being able to give me back the package was all bullshit and if I refuse to pay the postage you will have to give it back to me.
Postal Worker: Well I wouldn't put it that way.
Me: Bottom line, if I refuse to pay, you give the package back to me right?
Postal Worker: Yes
Me: Ok then I refuse to pay, so give the package back to me.

At this point the postal worker gave the package back to me, I went to another post office and filled out the form, correctly this time. Handed the package to a different postal worker and the package was accepted, transported and delivered with no further questions asked. So don't lie on a customs form