Ducati Sporting Club UK > General > Idle Chat > Friday Funny....old biking joke......

[Iconic944ss]

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?"

Arthur said, "Yes, that's me..."

God commented, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3.. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4.. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!"

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers,
more men are riding my invention than yours."

[YMFB]

Recruiting

A highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically knocked down
by a bus and killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where
St.Peter welcomed her: "Before you get settled in," he said, "We have a
little problem...you see, we've never had a Human Resources Manager
make it this far before and we're not really sure what to do with you." "Oh, I see," said the woman. "Can't you just let me in?"
"Well, I'd like to," said St Peter, "But I have higher orders. We're
instructed to let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then
you are to choose where you'd like to go for all eternity."
"Actually, I think I'd prefer heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, we have
rules..." at which St. Peter put the HR Manager into the downward bound
elevator. As the doors opened in hell she stepped out onto a
beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends - past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times.
They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil, who was actually rather nice, and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing. Before she knew it, it was time to leave; everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing, which was almost as enjoyable as her day in hell.
At the day's end St Peter returned. "So," he said, "You've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. You must choose between the two." The woman thought for a second and replied, "Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell. I choose hell." Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back down to hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stuttered the HR Manager, "Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course, and a country club, and we ate lobster, and we danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there's just a dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her and smiled.
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff."

[kwikbitch]

YMFB...That is so true it's SCARY!