Ducati Sporting Club UK > General > Idle Chat > A Chav Xmas tale!

[Monty]

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)
She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does
joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'
Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally
gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't
no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.
Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.
She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm
well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.'
Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go
dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah?
To have her bay-bee an' that. But there ain't no room at the inn, innit?
So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv
animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on
their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men
from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an'
myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to
kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this
Lord geezer. He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the
bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged it you
think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.'
So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's
safe an' that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus
turns water into Stella.

[Redruth]

It's very sad to see the depths that the English language has sunk to. I was even reading that to my self in a South London/Rasta accent

[Redruth]

I'm sorry, that should have been "the depths to which the English language has sunk"

[chief]

Arh Chavz, don't you just love em

Did you know if you hold a shell suit up to your ear you can hear Romford :P

[Monty]

Originally posted by chief
Arh Chavz, don't you just love em

Did you know if you hold a shell suit up to your ear you can hear Romford :P

And that from someone who gives his location as Solihull.........

John

[Jools]

No but, yeah but, no but, yeah but...

Monty U is 2 bleedin kulchad to tell a storeee like that. Wos all dis "She's not married OR nuffink". Evree 1 nose it shud bee "She's not married NOR nuffink".

"Wicked tale tho dude"

[kwikbitch]

Yeah,but,no but,yeah but, no but....
You 4got the bit abaht them fingies..erm Sheep herder blokes innit....

Dint they bring a lamb 'n one o' them frow away BBq fings wiv em?...They had a well gud nite dahn Bevlee'em that nite man...

AND...that Herod geezer...nonce!..I knows some people that knows some people that cud a popped a cap in his A55