Ducati Sporting Club UK > General > Idle Chat > Thoughts For The Day

[Rocker]

I found this on one of my other groups. It is not bike oruantated but I thought it might help cheer up a misrable day


1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone
will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road
signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

[Redruth]

That's done the trick, Rocker. Big grin on my face now. Wouldn't have believed it possible with the day I've got ahead of me.

Thanks

[clockwork orange]

Tee Hee - good start to the weekend Rocker

Originally posted by Rocker
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?

Or rather, why are monkeys and apes not still evolving ?? Anyone seen any missing links walking around ??

[Edited on 11-2-2005 by clockwork orange]

[Rocker]

Originally posted by Redruth


That's done the trick, Rocker. Big grin on my face now. Wouldn't have believed it possible with the day I've got ahead of me.

Thanks

Thanks it is not often that a guy my age can say that he made a young ladies day seem better
hope your day wasn't as bad as you thought

[Rocker]

Originally posted by Redruth


That's done the trick, Rocker. Big grin on my face now. Wouldn't have believed it possible with the day I've got ahead of me.

Thanks

I'm sure some of the people travelling on our late night trains may be missing links. they certainly don't act like civilized human beings

[clockwork orange]

Too true