Ducati Sporting Club UK > General > Idle Chat > It's not Friday, but.....................

[Dementor]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[JPM]

Golden oldies, classics though

[Ozz]

I love this one:

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

[philthy]

Brill!

Thanks for making me laugh

[yeti]

The oldies are the best

[yeti]

I'll tell you the one about the high ranking RAF officer and the Red Arrows one day..............

[yeti]

Now that IS a tale to tell. Best bait your breaths

[Davieravie]

Originally posted by yeti
Now that IS a tale to tell. Best bait your breaths

As ex RAF groundcrew.....I wish I could tell you all my funnys. The trouble is Ive pickled ma brain with drink!!!! Whats the story Yeti? Might inspire me to remember some of the antics I/we got up to!!!

[Davieravie]

Im away for a c. r .a .p and a think.