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| #1  06-Oct-2004, 20:38 | ||||
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| What we can learn from our kids... For those with No children - this is totally hysterical! For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious. For those who have children at this age - this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control! Written anonymously by a mother.... "Things I have learnt from my Children:" 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates / blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room. 5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old. 11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jelly. 15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in a ducati petrol tanks make lots of noise when riding and are very expensive to remove. 18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. 20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes. 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amazing thing. True story: One day the infant school teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read," ..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy xxxxx! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. 25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.   |
| #2 06-Oct-2004, 21:17 | ||||
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| kb the really scarey tyhing is that this does not come close to how bad it really is to have a house full of evil children. yes all children are evil. they know it, you know it and we then tell every one how cute they are this is because as parents ,through many millenia of evolution we have been conditioned to luv um no matter. lets face it if you had a pet dog that did as much damage it would be out one way or another. here speaks a man who dismantles his vcr twice weekly to get the apple cores, bannana skins,wallet and fags out p.s i need a new vcr  |
| #9 06-Oct-2004, 23:01 | |||
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| OMG... with a 19 month old, I presume I fall into the category of ' those with children nearing this age ' I have a few consolations though... we got rid of our waterbed AGES ago and Adam is petrified of ceiling fans ( have no idea why ) and he is slowly working out that Mummy goes bananas when he goes ANYWHERE near that toilet !! No doubt Dave will fall into the 60% of men whilst I am at work tomorrow !!:P Nice one Lisa.. like that .. like it a lot !!  |
| #10 06-Oct-2004, 23:54 | ||||
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| Quote:
Domestos Babe...Nice and thick...Like men!   |
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