Ducati Sporting Club UK > General > Idle Chat > Man talk.................not for you lay-deeees

[Ian]

"I cant find it" - It didnt fall into my outstretched hands, so i've given up looking for it.

"Thats women's work" - Its dirty, difficult and thankless work.

"Will you marry me?" - Both of my flat mates have moved out, I cant work the washing machine and I've run out of peanut butter.

"it's a bloke thing" - There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and there is no chance at all of making it logical.

"Can i help with dinner?" - Why isn't it already on the table?

"It would take too long to explain!" - I have no idea how it works.

"I am getting more excercise lately!" - The tv remote control is busted.

"We are going to be late" - Now i have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.

"Take a break darling you are working too hard" - I cant hear the tv over the vacuum cleaner.

"That's interesting dear" - Are you still talking?

"Sweetheart we don't need material things to prove our love!" - I forgot our anniversary again.

"You expect too much of me" - You want me to stay awake.

"Its a really good film!" - It's full of explosions, fast cars/bikes and naked women.

"You know how bad my memory is" - I remember all the words to born to be wild, the name of the first girl I kissed, the number plate of every vehicle i've ever owned but i forgot your birthday.

"I was just thinking about you , and got you these roses" - The girl selling them was a real babe and was wearing a thong.

"I do help around the house" - I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket.

"What did i do this time?" - What did you catch me doing?

"You look really terrific in that outfit!" - Please don't try anymore on as i'm starving and there is a good film on soon.

"I missed you!" - I have run out of clean underwear, the kids are starving and we are out of toilet roll.

and another copy 'n'paste:

> 1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a
> "Cheers for the sex - now **** off" would pretty much do it.
>
> 2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
>
> 3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only
> occur in leap years.
>
> 4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
>
> 5. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
>
> 6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
>
> 7. Every woman under 30 that worked would have to do so topless.
>
> 8. Every man would get four, real, 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards per
> year.
>
> 9. All telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
>
> 10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the
> televised football, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the
> screen when the ball goes out of play
>
> 11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable
> response to "I love you".
>
> 12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be boss of the
> company.
>
> 13. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable
> excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.
>
> 14. Lifeguards could remove females from beaches for violating the
> "Public Ugliness" law.
>
> 15. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
>
> 16. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
>
> 17. "Fancy a sh@g" would be the only chat up line in existence and it
> would work every time.
>
> 18. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that
> would be fined.
>
> 19. Dinner break would happen every hour.
>
> 20. Saying "Lets have a threesome. You, me and your sister" to your
> wife/girlfriend would get the response, "What a great idea!"
>
> 21. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.
>
> 22. Everyone would own a real Lightsabre. Any disagreements would be
> settled with a fight to the death. (or the loss of a hand)
>
> 23. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to
> the opposite sex.
>
> 24. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd
> get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone.
>

[TP]

Now where do I pick my lightsabre ...

[Lily]

20. Saying "Lets have a threesome. You, me and your sister" to your
wife/girlfriend would get the response, "What a great idea!"

I don't recall that being the exact answer to this suggestion on Saturday night :P

The next question was then pointed at sister and bloke 'well how about we swap for a bit then?' ..... you gotta love him for trying dontcha!!


Oh the joy of having a sister who is better looking, slimmer and has bigger boobs

[Lily]

Originally posted by weeksy
Lily, we need pics, we don't believe you.

Sadly don't have any pictures to hand, but I am sure Freak will confirm for you

[fatduke11111]

Ian - quality!!!

[rcgbob44]

We need more pictures!

[kwikbitch]

I do like Number 18...
Can I ask why it only applies to the male gender????
I think that possibly 60% of those apply to me too:P

AND...may I add a 25?
Any woman that is a B cup or under can have an augmentation on the NHS!:P

[Edited on 11-10-2004 by kwikbitch]

[Old Yella]

Originally posted by Lily
20. Saying "Lets have a threesome. You, me and your sister" to your
wife/girlfriend would get the response, "What a great idea!"

I don't recall that being the exact answer to this suggestion on Saturday night :P

The next question was then pointed at sister and bloke 'well how about we swap for a bit then?' ..... you gotta love him for trying dontcha!!


Oh the joy of having a sister who is better looking, slimmer and has bigger boobs

Now that I find hard to believe.

If JP has the sadi pictorial eveidence then we really do need to compare them.
Especially if they are from a sunny beach in a Mediterranean country

Oh yeah, the original thread.
I think 5 and 11 are pretty good

[guest1]

Originally posted by kwikbitch
.
AND...may I add a 25?
Any woman that is a B cup or under can have an augmentation on the NHS!:P
[Edited on 11-10-2004 by kwikbitch]

I believe you can get augmentation for free and without surgery:
each night in the bathroom, disrobe and take two pieces of toilet paper.
rub the toilet paper at least three or four times up and down your cleavage, then flush the paper down the loo.
Do this every night and after a while you will see that your breast size has increased to at least double its current size.

At least that's what worked for my ex-wifes ****!!!!!

[Monty]

"Any woman that is a B cup or under can have an augmentation on the NHS!"
Lisa, don't you know that what you can't fit in your mouth is a waste-at least that's what my ex wife told me-she was 16 at the time.

I'll get me coat.

John