A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent sir! We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomaniac, underwear-model daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".
The guy says, "You're bullshi**in' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it." >
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, she is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver."
Hairdressing products salesman is on the road and stops off at s****ey city hotel. Whilst in the bar he gets chatting to a very sexy young lady and he thinks to himself "I'm in here if I play my cards right" He goes to the receptionist and says he would like a room for the night for himself and his wife Daylight breaks and he goes to settle the bill and the receptionist present him with a bill for £600 Man:"How the heck can it be 600 quid, I've only been here for one night" Receptionist: "That may be so sir, but your wife has been here all week"
Michael Owen walks into a bar and goes up to the nearest blonde stunner and grabs hold of her, kissing her on the cheek, the blonde replies "Ooooh, you're a little forward"
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