Ducati Sporting Club UK > General > Idle Chat > News Just In...........

[Guido]

Made me larf anyway and I'm a northerner!!!!!!


A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and
watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.


HOW CAN YOU HELP?
-----------------
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.


**Breaking news**
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Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex - oh, sod it, they won't be able to read it, anyway.

[RD]

PMSL Absolutely hilarious

By the way Guy, my sister, brother-in-Law and nephew reside in Basildon.

I know they will think this is funny, I'll have to read it to them

[ratboy]

Steady on, some of those Majorca souvenirs cost me more than £20 - each!!

it was a terrible scare, the pillars at the front of me ouse were shaking and my mate's sis Britney said she was so scared when she had her first period. Then she had to go to history and geog straight after, bleedin' horrible I tell ya.

Cheeky Northern Monkeys

[Ozz]

PMSL Guy!

[Eamonn]

Superb !!!

Can you still get Colt 45 these days? I haven't seen it for years!
Used to drink loads of the stuff whilst visiting the US air bases in Essex.... That's North Essex by the way - totally different to Basidon in sarf Essex.

[Monty]

Bloody hell Eamonn-Colt 45-I remember that, we used to make a drink composed of a half of dry blackthorn cider topped up with a colt 45. The acid in the cider attacks the malt in the colt 45 and it goes cloudy-we called it a 'brainbender'..............
That was when I was young and stupid and lived in Cornwall in 1974/5.

John

[antonye]

Ha ha ha ha ha!






I don't get it?

[TP]

Originally Posted by Monty

Bloody hell Eamonn-Colt 45-I remember that, we used to make a drink composed of a half of dry blackthorn cider topped up with a colt 45. The acid in the cider attacks the malt in the colt 45 and it goes cloudy-we called it a 'brainbender'..............
That was when I was young and stupid and lived in Cornwall in 1974/5.

John

I was born in 75 ...

[phil_h]

Originally Posted by antonye

Ha ha ha ha ha!






I don't get it?

Get someone to read it to you essex boy

[rcgbob44]

If you can`t get Colt 45 you could always try a Luger & lime!







Ok Ok I1ll get my coat!